Oh well, this will be a super emotional – and yes, a hard blogpost for me.
It took me over six years to get back my period. SIX years. Six years full of health problems – I lost a lot of bone density. The doctors were shocked that I’m already struggling with osteoporosis with such a young age. But now I’m here.
Stronger than I’ve ever been, wiser than I’ve ever been, nourished, energized, positive and full of life.
Maybe some of you are questioning why I lost my period. So, I was nine years old (I know, very young) when I first got my period. I got sick when I was twelve, and dangerously underweight with 14. To be honest, some people – including myself, never thought that I will survive. Neither I wanted to. Depressed, anxious, tired – tired of life, of myself, people, ..
This period lasted for many years. Relapse. Break down. Many times in hospitals and psychiatries.
What helped and helps me the most?
I know, this sounds super utopian and maybe a bit too easy. But it is that simple. No one could help me the way I did for myself. Neither my mum, my parents/family in general, my boyfriend I had during that time, or any doctors/specialist.
IT WAS ME who saved my life. That’s one reason why I feel so sad and also a bit annoyed when someone wants to tell me that I’m not living a healthy lifestyle. Maybe I have to clarify some things:
YES – I am still very thin and I am not having „THE“ weight – and YES I love to eat very healthy and YES I love sports.
But I also love to treat myself with a good wine, a night out, days off – doing nothing, just relaxing.
I LOVE LIFE AGAIN.
It is hard to look at yourself, not comparing yourself/your life to others – I know. I really know. I did this for many years. But then I realized: This doesn’t make me stronger, wiser, more beautiful, more successful, more alive – to be 100% honest:
This only makes me feel like shit. Less worth. Not enough.
If I make you feel like this – I am so sorry. This is not my intention, never have been and never will. Inspiring, motivating, pushing you is my intention. Gosh – this sounds super strange and maybe a bit „arrogant“: Some months ago I wished that there would be someone like me. Someone who has gone through hell, developed to the strongest version of herself. Now I am the person I needed. Confident, relaxed, strong, motivated, positive, independent – full of life and hope.
However, back to the basic topic. How I got back my period.
As you know, I believe in destiny. It was the beginning of September as I visited my gynecologist and she said to me: „Everything in your body works, I cannot find any problems. Maybe you have to gain some weight, as you are still super slim and have very little body fat. But another topic Eva: How is your mindset going? Do you feel stressed, anxious, uncomfortable and do you still struggle with depression?“ Her words lasted for a long time in my head.
Am I really recovered? Am I really happy? Am I really the person I think I am?
The answer is yes. Of course, it needs some time to be „normal“ again. You cannot think that everything will work again, after you destroyed your body for many years. This cannot work out. But it WILL. Give your body love, respect, acceptance, and most important: Time.
Time to heal. Time to realize. Time to let go. Time to grow.
Everyone who knows me very well, would say that I am a little overthinker. I think too much. About what people think and say about me, what they want from me, and about myself – my „worth“. Moreover, I am afraid to be a „lazy“ person. A couch potato, someone who cannot handle important things. I was stressed. All the time. Because I thought I need to be stressed, busy, always hustling, striving for something better, bigger, more success – because I thought that I am enough then.
So, you may get the message that your soul and mindset is decisive.
Let’s have a look at the physical health part.
This year, especially this spring and summer I made HUGE steps. I stopped calorie counting (only making sure to eat enough), weighting food and myself (only for doctors appointments), stopped wearing my fitness tracker and stopped pushing myself and my body to the end. I’m still very sportive, and I’m still a runner – I always will be, because I was this BEFORE I got sick. It is part of my therapy, a part that makes me to who I am.
But I’m not running 12km every day anymore. However, I’m running the distance I want to run, I feel to run, and the distance, that works for my body. Especially after my two surgeries I wasn’t allowed to run, or to do any kind of sports. I did not run for almost two weeks, and that is totally fine.
The female body needs a cardio break in between, especially when you’re that slim/skinny as I am.
So, one thing I can recommend: Do sports, love sports, but don’t think that you have to do HARD sports EVERY DAY – it is ok to have rest days. You WON’T GAIN FAT. Trust me. I did not gain any weight. I gained peace.
Nutrition is important too. The last time I was starving was last autumn, before I started with my A-levels. So it has been a year I ate enough. My body finally started to „trust“ me again. I learned SO much this year. I don’t want to destroy my body, my health, my life anymore. And it’s super sad that I did this for so many years – and I know that there are so many beautiful souls out there, who are still doing the same. Stop it. You don’t need this. You are loved. You are beautiful.
MY NUTRITION TIPS:
- healthy fats (nuts, nut butter, soy yogurt, tofu, seeds, avocado)
- complex carbs
- plant based protein (especially beans, tofu, green vegetables)
- irony food (amaranth, lentils, pumpkin, hemp seeds (seeds in general), cashews, mushrooms, dark chocolate
- make sure to have enough MAGNESIUM in your diet (or take supplements)
I guess some of you might realized that I’m more „open“ for partying and alcohol. Honestly, I never was the girl who was out for parties and alcohol. But this changed – I am still the girl who enj0ys cozy evenings with loved ones more, but sometimes I am such a party girl, haha – and omg I LOVE TO DANCE !!!
So, enjoy your life, don’t be so hard on yourself, make sure to eat enough, have a balance in your lifestyle, let go of negativity (even though these are people!), and make yourself your number one priority.
I love you. And I am always here for you.
Your body is the only place you have to live in, take care. xx